My sweet first born
I feel like ever since your brother was born 5 years ago..I have not been able to ever cuddled you, praise you, pamper you..
Your brother came into this world and demanded my attention..
Always needing to be next to me, jealous and angry if he is not.
And you my love, my first
love, are so accommodating, that you adapted and allowed this...moving over to the other side of me and letting him be right next to me because we all knew it would cause less turmoil in the end for all of us
But I wonder my love, if you knew how badly I wished I could hold you so tight in my arms?
How badly I wanted to tell you how amazing and sweet and adaptable you are??
How badly I wanted just one moment alone with you?
Thinking that it's actually the second child who gets the most of moms time. I always thought that the first was the lucky one because they had mom all to themselves the first few years- but I don't think it's true..
I think for you, my sweet, you had to move aside pretty quickly
And I'm sorry.....
I love you so much-
The hardest part of being a parent of more than one child, for me, is trying to split myself between the two of you, and knowing , someone is always going to feel left out, or less loved.
I hate that. I wish I had a clone of myself and I could nurture you both with 100% of myself
But what you don't know - is that at night, once everyone is fast asleep...I sneak beside you in bed, all warm and cozy..fast asleep..and I put my arms around you and hold on so tight!!! I kiss you and look at your beautiful face- and whisper I love you , I love you, I love you- forever and ever!!
