Looking for a little light...

Four weeks into summer...

Part of me is soooo enjoying it...love the easy pace, no rules...dinner whenever, sleepy mornings , no homework and lunches to pack...

Getting time to spend with my boys- hanging with them daily...it's nice... A nicer tone then during school., where it's hard to get imt their routine...and I feel like they get the worst if me.

But the downside is that everyday - I am left to come up with things to keep us busy - which I don't think I'm good at...I try,.

But it's especially hard on. Budget and when your car breaks down and you has no car

So yes, I have been feeling depressed because a summer with two biys at home and no money and now no car - leaves things very bleak......: 

How do I fill the time..hike do I keep hem happy, how do I keep them fulfilled, how do I keep me happy, how do I keep me fulfilled? 

Guilty I feel for almost eveything I do.,.

I can not be 100% for anyone....

Spreading myself thin...

I know if I had a nice, trustworthy car- I would drive anywhere to any free events- I would go to the beach just to let the, jump in at 6 pm- but I don't and I can't- because I am always worrying about the car- and now it's done

I am Doing my best to be resourceful - call up friends- set play dates, think of games we can play- stay resourceful...

But at the end of the day..

I just feel hopeless

Like a mom, just me, with worry, 

And unsure of how to keep it going every day...

How to keep me going - so I can keep the family going ....

Here are my babies! 

Mamma needs a new car

A day in the life of a stay at home mama: 9 year old gabe

A day in the life of a stay at home mama: 9 year old gabe: My baby boy...first born..beautiful child.. Is turning 9 tomorrow. I'm full of emotion With Christmas one week away Going back to Vermon...

I'm sorry we couldn't make it work ....

Atlantis was awesome!!!!

The best trip ever..

I was so worried about taking the kids on a work trip

But we had such a amazing time

I missssssss it soooo much

We loved sleeping in- waking up and I would have. A Starbucks coffee in the room..lazy - boys watch cartoons- I could catch up on wifi correspondence

Then head out to the amazing breakfast Buffett that new York life provided every morning.

This was a highlight of the boys trip  - plates were .loaded  up with eggs, bacon, sausage, French toast, juice and more...

And mom was happy with my coffee and eggs with salsa and plenty of hot sauce 

Then we would head to the pool area for hours of fun on the end

Endless water slides. Pools, ocean, restaurants, friends, and fun fun fun!

Night were always busy with ,any functions to attend...

And soon, Back into our comfy beds with the sliding glass door open and the amazing sounds of the Bahamas to lull us to sleep

Wishing I was there now

Okay..slower times, I realize...I'm stilllll homesick...what the hell!?!!

Ok..I'm homesick

I guess, spring break has caused a stillness. Not so busy, not getting my cup filled up, plus noticing gabes still struggle, and I am still homesick. It's easy to mask when I'm so busy and having fun with tennis.....

But when times are slow...I miss it soooo much - I'm surprised by how much! What  to do about it?? I dont know??? But I am sad

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Doctor search driving me crazy....

Does anyone else feel like they have had it up to here with trying to Keep up with so many doctor apts/yearly exams /check ups/ blood work

Its enough to make me batty

And I guess being type 1 diabetic and ADD doesn't help

So there's the every 6 month check up and blood work - yearly obgyn, eye check, skin check, breast check oh and don't forget every 6 months the teeth cleaning 😳😲😱😁😁😁😁

So remind me to never move again

Because after moving away ~ and finally finding a .....

* primary care doc

* eye doc

* obgyn

* skin doc

* endocrinologist doc

* and dentist 

Plus the pediatritritian  for the boys 

I have major reservation/anxiety/unmotivation/trepidation and total lack of desire to start all over again.....