Holiday blues????

Still feeling down...

Damn it !

He weather doesn't help much .... Rain and blah is not what charleston South Carolina is all about..

Worrying about my marriage..

Worrries because it's all the same patterns.

Always the same junk that gets us stuck...

Wondering if it's a pattern we can ever escape? 

New town, new people...tennis and family to keep me busy...but when that slows down..I'm left with the same bare bones reminders of what our real issues are...

And it's sad.

I don't know...

I know that we both love eachother very much. I know that if there is one person in this world more si,liar to myself - it's him....

But then I wonder...maybe that Isn't a good hung? All my worst traits he has, and we bring them out, or hide them in our relationship.,..

Worry worry worry..

Good lord I need to get back to tennis...

Can we make it work......

Holiday stress

Uggggggg

I am a total nightmare to be around...

My stress level is sooo high right now...

I'm snapping at the kids, irritable, sad, worried- you name it ....

And I kept asking myself ..why?? What's wrong with me..is it pms?? When's my period due..

And then I realized...the holidays are here - we have NO money - my husbands been worrying about his work for years now and thungs are especially bad now...we have negative bank account as soon as payday hits..

And I alone am responsible for creating a magic like Christmas for everyone 

Gifts, stockings, advent calander, 5 birthdays .... Traveling home to Vermont...and hoping to make it all up for everyone...

And ..no money ...

I'm exhausted, my while body feels tight...am unable to relax until everyone is asleep and I can be on my own with lots of wine...

Uggggggggggggggggg

I'm sad because I love Christmas and holiday festivities..and mad because I can't partake and do as much as I would like to do..

And I know I should feel fortunate because there are soo many people out there that have it way worse...

But I'm stuck in the mad, sad, frustrated for now