School starts ..heavy hearts

Hmmmmmmmm
Sooooo, why am I having such a hard time now that school is back in session?
My baby boy started first day..new teacher, new room...none of his old friends fro kindergarten with him,,and he did GREAT..loved it..
But I cried and have felt weepy for two days
I am feeling ..almost ..like an empty nester?
My youngest will start his last year of pre school next week..
And I know i have one more year before there both in school full time
Why don't I feel happy? Finally..after all the selfless giving I have done....gotten used to Absolutely NO ME time..
But yet, I like being a mommy ..I like taking care of them..and I don't feel ready to move on..
So of corse I have been thinking more lately about wether or not we should have another, and I'm so confused if this is just about the boys getting older and me not knowing about what my role is, will be..
Or if it is a real legitimate thing that we should consider
How do we decide??? There are so many negatives and positives on the subject
I am mostly afraid to go back to that place we left so long ago...sleepless nights, pregnancy, PPD??
but on the other hand, I can't imagine never getting e chance to hold another child of our own, to see them eat their first food, take their first step..
Wouldn't it be great for the boys to have a sibling?

Oh boy... Lots of questions swimming around in my head..
I never have been good at change


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